‘This does nothing to address Australia’s epidemic of coercion, control and violence'

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OPINION

IN THIS week’s episode of Noddy in Toyland, Policeman Plod and his band of merry constables plan to trial a new way to keep the ladies of Toyland safe from nasty men.

They’re going to teach all the ladies in Toyland a special secret word, one that the ladies can say out loud if they feel scared of a mean man in a bar or restaurant.

Once she says the special word to the nice man who owns the bar or restaurant, the nice man will lead the lady away to a safe room where she can have a soothing cup of tea until the mean man can be shooed away.

“Once we’ve taught this very special word to every lady in Toyland, that will be the end of sexual and physical violence against women in our town,” said Policeman Plod proudly.

Surprise! This is not actually an episode of Noddy in Toyland.

This is a real, publicly-funded scheme dreamt up by the policy wonks at New South Wales Police called “Ask for Angela” — a code word system that women are encouraged to use if they feel scared while on a date in a public place.

It’s not a drill. This cartoonish idiocy, which began life in the United Kingdom in 2016, was announced by NSW Police today and will supposedly be rolled out in bars and pubs over the coming weekend.

The idea is that if a woman is on a date with a guy who’s making her feel threatened or uncomfortable, she can approach a staff member of the venue and “Ask for Angela”. Once the staff member hears those magic words he will realise that the woman is imperilled and spring into action, leading her away to a safe space or calling the police on her behalf.

A FEW POINTS

a) Every woman on earth has been on a dodgy online date. There are perfectly simple ways to get out of them if you’re still at a public venue. You make an excuse and leave. You text your friend. You do a runner. Or, if you’re really concerned that you might be in danger, you talk to a staff member using your big-girl words. Words like, “Hey, this guy is scaring me, can you please help?”

b) Even if we think there’s merit in using tricky codewords as though we’re all members of Enid Blyton’s Famous Five, what are the odds that all the participating parties will be aware of the scheme? Is NSW Police planning to train the staff of every licensed venue in NSW by Friday? What if frightened women are left standing at a bar hissing “ASK FOR ANGELA!” through gritted teeth and nodding vigorously in the direction of their creepy date, while everyone stares at her blankly?

But that’s not even the dumbest part. Here’s the bit that makes me want to scream stupid safe words until I’m hoarse, on behalf of women everywhere who are sexually, physically and psychologically assaulted by men every single day.

This scheme does nothing, absolutely nothing, to address Australia’s epidemic of coercion, control and violence against women.

The reality of violence against women is the teenager whose boyfriend isolates from her friends and family by telling her that he’s the only one who truly loves her, until her spirit is too broken to know how to leave him.

The reality of violence against women is the mother who lives in a Catch-22 of terror, wondering whether she should allow her ex access to her son because he’s threatened to take him into a forest and never come out if she doesn’t.

The reality of violence against women is the 20-something whose boyfriend forces her to have sex every night, whether she is feeling sick or sore or simply doesn’t want to.

The reality of violence against women is Olga Edwards, whose two children were shot dead by their father in Pennant Hills, Sydney, last week while she tried to start a new life.

The reality of violence against women is the thousands of social media comments afterwards that insisted the children’s father was probably driven to kill his kids because of something Olga Edwards did.

The reality of violence against women is Sydney woman Cecilia Haddad whose body was found floating in Lane Cove River after she broke up with her ex-boyfriend Mario Santoro who has now been charged with her murder.

The reality of violence against women is NSW woman Angela Jay who did meet a dodgy guy on a Tinder date in 2014 but left that date completely unharmed. Only six weeks later did his obsession with her lead him to break into her house and stab her 11 times.

The reality of violence against women is the one woman a week who is murdered by a current or former partner. It’s the one in four of us who has experienced physical or sexual violence by an intimate partner. And the one in four of us who has experienced emotional abuse by a current or former partner.

None of these thousands, millions of women could have been helped by a childish code word in a bar. And it’s an insult to every one of them that this is where NSW Police is putting their energy and resources rather than seriously addressing the problem.

“I wanted to work with bars and pubs, and find something that would be easy for them to implement,” chirped the original creator of the Ask for Angela scheme in the UK, Hayley Child, when it was first launched in Britain in 2016.

And that’s it in a nutshell. The “Ask for Angela” concept is easy. It’s fun. It’s some cute words that everyone can learn and we all feel we’ve done our bit.

Meanwhile, women keep on dying, every day, in their own homes, at the hands of men they know.

We’re not asking for “Angela”. We’re asking for real laws, real education, real respect and real protection.

We’re asking that we stop being killed, maimed and psychologically tortured and we’re asking it, screaming it, into an abyss.