Statistician Ash Chua makes trainwreck radio debut for Triple M

[Nergal]

 

THERE are times when people can be exposed improvising in a role completely foreign to them.

Take veteran statistician Ash Chua, who deputised as a broadcaster for Triple M after Melbourne’s drought-breaking finals win over Geelong, while incumbent Tom Browne was on Channel Seven duties.

Chua started brightly and captured the Demons’ jubilant rooms without a hitch.

It was in the sombre surrounds of Cats territory where he stumbled. And fell. And disintegrated into rubble.

“I just saw the players coming out of the, ah, conference room a couple of minutes ago so, ah, they’re making their way into the, ah, shower area and toilet block I assume,” Chua said after a few seconds of cursory talk, barely holding things together.

“I’m busting for a leak myself, boys,” he continued.

“I’ve been hanging on since about halfway through the final quarter but Jordan Murdoch is, ah, having a chat to, ah, a couple of doctors as well.

“Like you said, Howie, it’s like a funeral. It’s like a morgue. Of course to lose a final and to be eliminated for the remainder of the season is obviously not a good thing as we know.

“I saw Joel Selwood before. No surprises, a cut above the right elbow – ah, sorry, the right eyebrow.”

The cross continues for two minutes, covering Geelong veteran Harry Taylor’s love for World War Two movies before Chua had to be cut off, his colleagues in raptures.

“I was on a high in the Melbourne rooms before you guys flicked me over here,” Chua noted, seconds before host Mark Howard told him to have the night off.

Whether we hear of another gaffe this bad remains to be seen. But with all said and done, credit goes to Chua for the most entertaining two minutes of football coverage we’ll hear this year.