Joke

[Guest JuZz]

How do you keep a dumbass in suspense...............................................?

I'll let you know tomorrow :P :P

[Guest Slim92990]

How do you keep a dumbass in suspense...............................................?

I'll let you know tomorrow :P :P

lol I'll be waiting. :P

[Guest akon]

uh!what do you mean,i cannot catch you! :(

[Guest deadmimewalking]

ZINGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGg

[Guest alejandro27]

Three guys, stranded on a desert island, find a magic lantern containing a genie, who grants them each one wish. The first guy wishes he was off the island and back home. The second guy wishes the same. The third guy says "I’m lonely. I wish my friends were back here."

[Guest Waler]

Three guys, stranded on a desert island, find a magic lantern containing a genie, who grants them each one wish. The first guy wishes he was off the island and back home. The second guy wishes the same. The third guy says "I’m lonely. I wish my friends were back here."

XD

I would have killed him.

[Guest Inga Ingusia]

a man walks in his living room to find his wife watching a cooking show

Man says "Why are you watching this, YOU cant COOK!"

Wife says "Well, YOU watch PORN!" :)p

[Guest kidbizkit]

nice one on the dumbass... hahaha

[Guest Hany Elkomy]

Three guys, stranded on a desert island, find a magic lantern containing a genie, who grants them each one wish. The first guy wishes he was off the island and back home. The second guy wishes the same. The third guy says "I’m lonely. I wish my friends were back here."

liked it, thanks for sharing

here is one of my own ( Egyptian )

once there was a grome, and in his wedding day, his friends made him super HIGH..

after the wedding finish and everybuddy lift his home, he was checking arround and then he found the pride... he wondered and said i was sure that those MORONS will forget somebuddy at my house...

Sorry if you found boring after the translation, but it make sence in Arabic :P

another one it should be funny even after the translation..

in the pets market, there was a persion selling a rabite, another (HIGH) passing by and asked, how much will thim monkey cost me.

the rabite owner told him WTF this a rabit not a monkey, so the high person unsered i was asking the rabite... :P

[Guest Inga Ingusia]

A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.

"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"

The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"

The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."

A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.

"You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. "Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari." :))

* * *

A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.

He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife:

"Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck." If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."

To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He wwas whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!"

[Guest hayabusafish]

What do you call a 2 legged cow?

Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef.

[Guest NewB]

Haha like it! Keep sharing everyone!!

[Guest Inga Ingusia]

Here's one. Read it today and found it quite funny :)

A magician was working on a cruise ship in the Caribbean. The audience would be different each week, so the magician allowed himself to do the same tricks over and over again.

There was only one problem: The captain's parrot saw the shows every week and began to understand what the magician did in every trick. Once he understood that, he started shouting in the middle of the show.

"Look, it's not the same hat!" "Look, he's hiding the flowers under the table!" "Hey, why are all the cards the Ace of Spades?"

The magician was furious but couldn't do anything, it was the captain's parrot after all.

One day the ship had an accident and sank. The magician found himself on a piece of wood, in the middle of the ocean, and of course the parrot was by his side.

They stared at each other with hate, but did not utter a word. This went on for several days.

After a week the parrot finally said, "Okay, I give up. What'd you do with the boat?"

[Guest Inga Ingusia]

A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: “My friend is dead! What can I do?”

The operator, in a calm soothing voice says: “Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead.” There is a silence, then a shot is heard.

The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says: “OK, now what?“

[Guest ZackZero]

Four surgeons were taking a coffee break and were discussing their work. The first said, "I think accountants are the easiest to operate on. You open them up and everything inside is numbered." The second said, "I think librarians are the easiest to operate on. You open them up and everything inside is in alphabetical order." The third said, "I like to operate on electricians. You open them up and everything inside is color-coded." The fourth one said, "I like to operate on lawyers. They're heartless spineless, gutless, and their heads and their ass are interchangeable."

[Guest posmobin]

Q: How did Canada get its name?

A: They decided to put all the letters of the alphabet in a hat, and draw the name at random. As the prime minister of the newly-formed nation drew the letters, he announced them to the crowd:

"C, eh?"

"N, eh?"

"D, eh?"

And hence CANADA was born.

[Guest Upright777]

How many feminists does it take to change a light-bulb?

It was a trick question. Feminists can't change anything. :P

[RandyOrton]

Ok. LOL Waiting

[Guest Inga Ingusia]

A guy has a talking dog. He brings it to a talent scout. "This dog can speak English," he claims to the unimpressed agent. "Okay, Sport," the guys says to the dog, "what’s on the top of a house?" "Roof!" the dog replies. "Oh, come on..." the talent agent responds. "All dogs go ‘roof’." "No, wait," the guy says. He asks the dog "what does sandpaper feel like?" "Rough!" the dog answers. The talent agent gives a condescending blank stare. He is losing his patience. "No, hang on," the guy says. "This one will amaze you. " He turns and asks the dog: "Who, in your opinion, was the greatest baseball player of all time?" "Ruth!" goes the dog. And the talent scout, having seen enough, boots them out of his office onto the street. And the dog turns to the guy and says "Maybe I shoulda said DiMaggio?"

[Guest Inga Ingusia]

After a long time, here is another joke for you. A real story though :))

A man was driving when he saw the flash of a traffic camera. He

figured that his picture had been taken for exceeding the limit, even

though he knew that he was not speeding... Just to be sure, he went

around the block and passed the same spot, driving even more slowly,

but again the camera flashed. Now he began to think that this was

quite funny, so he drove even slower as he passed the area again, but

the traffic camera again flashed. He tried a fourth time with the same

result. He did this a fifth time and was now laughing when the camera

flashed as he rolled past, this time at a snail's pace... Two weeks

later, he got five tickets in the mail for driving without a seat

belt..

[Guest DeLBaSS]

LOL, these are great guys. ROFL

[Guest mophocrackho]

why can't a blonde ever pass her driver exam? Everytime the instructor opens the door she jumps in the back seat.